I am not looking for my Bowling Ball!

Fat Sick and Nearly Dead

Few things in life are predictable.  Maybe daytime, nighttime and taxes.  I am seldom on time for anything.  That 's predictable .

Recently we went to O'Hare to pick up Meaghan's canines arriving from Germany in advance of her (40 day away) relocation and spent what was an Easter weekend with Greg and Annelise.  We skipped the Easter parts of the weekend as the unplanned mingled with planned.  The interesting part is we all came away and/or stayed in Chicago with a new objective.

Greg is an interesting character and had been for three years now (yes, years) trying to get us to watch a movie by Joe Cross (Australian) called FatSickAndNearlyDead.  So, as unplanned as it was;  we skipped church and embark on this journey to 'Juicy Town' where Joe traveled across the United States explaining micro and macro nutrients and his only "grip" was his Breville juicer.  Yes,  The clothes on his back, his rental car; with AC adapter, and his friend, "Joe Jr. Juicier."

The documentary was cheesy and corny cartoons with dynamic weight loss as Joe only drinks 80/20% RAW fruits and vegetable juices for what turns out to be 60 days.  He encounters "Joe Average, American skeptic" in every town and truck-stop along the way (and converts one wholeheartedly and convinces others which are not film-followed as closely.)  I sat in Greg's living room and turned from a "Doubting Thomas"  to then  "Paul from Saul."  (Okay, I wasn't that religious but this was Easter Sunday and I did need to get a little religion to ease my guilty pleasures  as I had ignored my Christian Easter Sunday duty conscious.")

Well, cut to the chase:  This is day three ("and I only committed to try 7 and maybe goal out at ten days. . .  that would be ideal") of juicing everything from apples, cucumbers, to fennel, add root beet, take out venous red scary root beet, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, squash and zucchinis. My only steaks for the next meal will be the beefsteaks (in my) tomatoes!  Clean the pulp, skip freezing it or composing it. . . Compost. I think I just came up with a great idea!   And all this while I am the new adopted canine mother to two more barking, biting, squirrel chasing four-legged critters who are driving me to really want that forbidden alcoholic laced drink.

Need a cocktail?  I thinking, it might take several days;  but I can ferment cabbage naturally.  What does it take to harden apples to cider?

Greg recommended I diet-proof the house. I cannot do that.  There is just too much in condiments, frozen animal products,  Rudolph cheeses, oils, butters, process foods to ever be able to replace the comfort food which are my spoils of life which make my house feel like a warm fuzzy blanket surrounding my overweight bones on a still frozen April.  Never figured I would feel solace looking at a tall jar of seasoned infused extra virgin olive oil even if all the crusty bread had become squirrel food. Besides I am sure Ron is still drinking his liquid flax seed oil.

Go ahead and drink the flax seed oil, darling.  I have a need for Ron to sabotage himself in any way he can as dieting with a man is disheartening in and of itself.  In the past, I have had to get a three day start to even let him into my past diet plans.  A long time ago he was absolutely forbidden to ever diet when I was pregnant.  It is because men can lose weight thinking about the ball game reruns in their two-track otherwise "thinking about sex" minds.  The metabolism of the male testosterone driven sex purrs at a constant 180 mph.  Mine cruises at a hybrid 40 mpg.  Definition of weight lose for women is minimal calculated caloric intake multiplied (X) by fluid intake equals (=)"Try this again tomorrow,  sister."

But I am DOWN EIGHT POUNDS in two days and Ron is down four!

So bright and early this a.m., I did the only thing I could do.  As Greg, who is the best versed in this whole process and my volunteer to be a "Phone-Son-supporter; I called the "all American build-me-up-son" to get my fix of encouragement and support.  Without much adieu, he told me I would rebound soon and get a headache today.  ( I can't make stuff up this funny!)

So I am off to find the secret to cleaning the kitchen, while avoiding the cheese dip and locate the Tylenol bottle.  I can deal with one more day even if it doesn't mean another four pounds.  I can claim one "bowling ball" victory even if it is a Jr. League Bowling Ball!

As a follow up, today; was the plateau Greg had predicted but I am giving it another day.  I did eat two pickles which weren't juiced.  First sodium in a week.  Oops.